If good fences make good neighbors, the longtime Harebell Lane resident who recently called JCSO may need a better fence. According to her complaint, she had her property surveyed about two years ago in anticipation of installing a split-rail fence. That morning, she’d found one of the surveyor’s stakes broken and another removed and thrown down the hill. As certain neighbors had vocally and vigorously objected to the fence at the time it went in, she suspected they’d belatedly fought back by pulling up stakes. Since she couldn’t prove it, however, she volunteered to enter mediation if certain neighbors were willing. Later that day, a certain neighbor phoned the deputy to deny any involvement in the de-staking. “I honestly do not know why” the complainant doesn’t like her family, a certain neighbor lamented, but was convinced the complainant has harbored “ill feelings” against certain neighbors ever since they moved in, and flatly ascribes all dog dirt appearing in her yard to a certain pet of theirs. She said she’d talk to her husband about mediation, but hubby called a short time later to nix the idea. “I wouldn’t touch her silly property markers,” he declared. “I’m not going to waste my time.” If the complainant wants peace, she “needs to leave us alone.”

From the “It ain’t easy being green” files: 

Environment-loving Susie Sustainability deposited a neatly bundled stack of used newspapers at the recycling center behind local grocery. Moments later, Edie Ecology, who was looking for a neatly bundled stack of newspapers, pulled the stack from the recycling bin. Susie objected, saying the stack was for recycling only. Edie insisted, saying she was going to recycle the papers as packing material for a friend who was moving. Green hackles rose. Hard words and racially-charged accusations were exchanged. The site manager, Sammie Salvage, was summoned to defuse the situation, but instead found himself inextricably embroiled in it. Finally abandoning her ill-starred newspaper drive, Edie went into the grocery and immediately fell into a swoon. Paramedics descended, followed closely by sheriff’s deputies who tried to sort through the emotional debris.  Susie said Edie was frightening and insulting. Edie said Susie was abusive and Sammie was threatening. Sammie said he wished Edie had just asked him for some newspapers, because he had several tons of them he’d have happily unloaded on her. Nobody went away happy, but at least they all – eventually – went away.

CONIFER – Summoning deputies to his Rea Avenue address, an irate homeowner complained that a neighbor’s flood control efforts were controlling the flood straight onto his property. He also said they refused to discuss the unfortunate drainage scheme in a friendly fashion, leading him to believe they’d done it just to be cussed. Contacted by officers, the hometown hydrologists said their nagging neighbor was all wet. While freely admitting having dug a channel along a private access road in hopes of draining a persistent puddle, they felt well within their legal rights to do so and were certain the action didn’t incommode the complainant one whit. And if the mud starts flying, they warned, they had enough dirt on their accuser to bury him. Hearing this, their accuser nearly jumped his banks, predicting he’d soon fall on his neighbors in civil court like a Mississippi thunderstorm.

If he’d arrived at the Conifer Road convenience store just five minutes earlier, the deputy would have enjoyed a pretty good show. As it was, he had to settle for an after-action play-by-play. According to more than one witness, the complainant had been peaceably weed-whacking along the shoulder at about 12:30 p.m. hen an impulsive acquaintance stopped his truck in the street and began noisily berating him. Among other things, the highly vocal fellow suggested the gardener “meet me up on the mountain and I’ll leave you there – you’re so dead,” and claimed to have experienced rapturous physical passion with the man’s beloved only minutes before. He repeatedly drove his car short distances backward and forward and frequently feinted as if to leave the vehicle and address his target more personally. When one impatient motorist drove around him in mid-rant, he vowed to repay the affront with violence. According to witnesses, the gardener’s only contribution to the exchange was “God bless you, and have a nice day.” Contacted later that afternoon, the middle-aged hothead addressed the deputy with characteristic candor. “Is harassment me calling him a (flunking) punk?” He was assured that it is. “Well then I’m guilty of harassment.” He was cited for harassment.