A GALLANT SACRIFICE –             The best thing about illegal fireworks from a law-enforcement perspective is that they’re easy to spot. Spotting one such infraction on South Maplewood Drive from a mile away, deputies arrived to see a knot of eight people milling around on the sidewalk surrounded by a litter of spent ordnance. Rather than risk a hand-cramp, an officer advised the crestfallen crew that if one selfless soul would accept responsibility for the show he wouldn’t ticket the whole group. Cut from the very noblest American cloth, one P. Revere stepped forward and with great dignity surrendered a plastic bag containing 19 Cannon Thunder Bomb Flashcrackers, 11 Black Cat Yellow Rose Texas Rockets, and 113 Red Lantern Whistling Moon Travelers. In exchange, the deputy gave Revere a summons for possession of prohibited fireworks and torched all those awesome fireworks in a big JCSO barrel where nobody could see it.

BOOM AND BUST – It was nearing midnight when dispatch received a report that misguided patriots were illegally lighting up their South Pierson Street neighborhood with illuminations of the proscribed kind. Arriving on scene, deputies quickly identified the source of the stunning display – two strapping young citizens who were standing in the middle of the street holding matching firing-tubes, sending brilliant red bombs rocketing skyward and bursting in air. For their part, the two young rebels quickly identified the end of their good time approaching and instantly swapped their launchers for beer bottles, hoping to blend into the small crowd of spectators. It was too late, of course. Deputies confiscated their substantial remaining supply of “Fire Bombs with report”, leaving only their modest cache of less vigorous combustibles along with ticket for illegally declaring independence from county fireworks ordinances.

LOYALIST CAN’T QUENCH PATRIOTIC SPIRIT – With only four minutes left of Independence Day, 2013, one B. Arnold at last resolved to report his firecracker-shooting neighbor, one P. Henry, to JCSO. The moment county cruisers hove in port, deputies observed a crowd of at least 20 people scatter like Frenchmen into nearby homes, leaving Henry alone in the street to face superior forces. Bummed, but unbowed, Henry somberly ceded to deputies the last un-fired item in his arsenal – a Zenith Specialties Turbo Booster Aerial Rocket he’d driven all the way to Wyoming to get.