At about 9:30 p.m. on April 12, a very upset Kerr Gulch Road resident called JCSO dispatch after receiving a sinister phone call. According to the woman’s statement, an anonymous female caller decreed “you’ll die in seven days” and hung up. Lacking caller ID, the woman asked Verizon to provide her prescient caller’s phone number, but was advised that she’d need an attorney to obtain that information. The incident had upset her so because, in 2007, someone left her a message saying “I hate you, I’m going to steal your stuff and kill you.” Then, during a snow storm last winter, a strange woman had appeared at her door asking for a ride to a gas station. Instead, the resident helpfully dialed a number the mysterious visitor provided and told the man who answered that his friend needed a lift. Rather than rushing to aid his lady-friend, the man cursed at the homeowner and suggested that she “just give her a ride.” When she refused and hung up, the man called back and demanded she put the stranded woman on the line, which she didn’t. Given that history of weirdness, the complainant hoped that JCSO could help. The officer promised to arrange an extra patrol for her neighborhood.

While parked along eastbound Interstate 70 at Floyd Hill at about noon on March 21, a radar-equipped JCSO deputy clocked a sharp, Pontiac G6 with four occupants hurtling toward Denver at a blistering 103 mph. Lights flashing and siren wailing, the officer pursued the speeding rental nearly to El Rancho, giving him a chance to appreciate his quarry’s highly developed tail-gating and crowd-weaving skills. Identified by his foreign drivers license and passport as a 20-year-old citizen of the Republic of Chile, the driver assumed “a look of despair” and “sighed deeply” when the deputy handed him summons for reckless driving and told him he’d need to appear in court in May. He would be back in Chile by the end of March, he explained, with some passion. Even at 103 mph, the 5,000-mile trip to Golden would take at least five full days driving. Standing firm before the young man’s heart-wrenching supplications, the officer explained that, should he fail to appear in court, a warrant would be issued for his arrest and he could say adios to any hope of getting another U.S. visa. Since he’s already arranged for a stateside job next year, the man at last gave in and promised to get square with the county.

Cruising home along Buffalo Park Road one evening, thrilling to the smooth flow of power supplied by her 8-cylinder, 385hp power-plant, a Three Sisters Circle resident’s ultimate driving experience was marred by a savage snowball attack. In her statement to JCSO, she described gliding past Alderfer/Three Sisters Open Space Park, her showroom-fresh 2008 Porsche Cayenne S purring like a contented tiger, when a pair of frozen white bullets came screaming in from the north and struck the $57,000 grocery-go-getter with brutal force. Although she didn’t actually see the projectiles being launched, she did spy a fleet male person wearing a “colorful short jacket, red and yellow, with an emblem on it,” racing up the hill into the park immediately following the attack. Observing the vehicle’s passenger-side mirror dangling from its wires and a deep, 3-inch scratch on the mirror housing, the investigating officer concluded that “suspects unknown, in the course of a single criminal episode, did unlawfully and knowingly damage the real and personal property of ” the unhappy motorist. The case remains in low gear pending further suspect information.