A Proper Patriotic Party

Looking down the barrel of a three-day weekend, a lot of people would rather spend the Fourth of July hiking, boating, barbecuing or burning up the highway between here and Aunt Myrtle’s house than spend their precious time off on patriotic frivolities.

Who can blame them? These are busy times, after all, and Colorado’s a busy place. Traditionalists, however, may crave an old-fashioned, flag-waving, watermelon-on-the-lawn sort of Independence Day, and there may be others for whom dear old Gotham has become a trifle warm, of late. For those patriotic citizens and willful exiles, a short drive west into the cool, welcoming bosom of Clear Creek County offered a summer holiday the way Norman Rockwell would have painted it.

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Georgetown is a picturesque delight in any season. On Monday, with smiling families strolling casually along its shady lanes and pretty, smiling girls and handsome, smiling boys lining historic, flag-draped 6th Street, it was the very picture of America like Hollywood producers and political campaign managers imagine it. Except in Georgetown, on Monday, it was the real thing.

“It’s like going back 50 years,” said local author Sandra Dallas. “There’s a lot of patriotism and a whole lot of town spirit.” Dallas and her husband, Bob Atchison, had been tapped to Judge the Fourth of July parade – no small honor, one would think. “It’s because I have a house on Rose Avenue.”

In a fit of practicality going back four decades, Georgetown selects its parade judges from its citizenry living along the route. At 10 a.m., just an hour before go-time, the porch of Dallas’ small, pink clapboard house was getting heavy traffic from local partisans, some softening her up in favor of a particular entrant, others quietly tipping her off to the patent failings of others. It was distasteful and underhanded and thoroughly, charmingly, American. Dallas, of course, had her own preconceptions about what a champion should look like.

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“The winners are usually fairly obvious,” she said. “I’ll probably give the award to my nephew.” That would be 2-year-old Forrest, who was scheduled to be pulled around the circuit in a little red wagon. Confronted by such overwhelming candor, one could do little but retreat to 6th Street and wait for Forrest to rattle by.

Built during a simpler age in a narrow space between purple mountain majesties, downtown Georgetown is a wonderfully intimate place to view a parade. Joe and Kathy Schmidt came early, staking out an advantageous corner location next to the Red Ram. Comfortable in folding chairs and holding a pair of flaxen-haired angels on their laps, The Schmidts live in Denver but make a yearly Independence Day pilgrimage to Georgetown.

“The parade, the fireworks, the water fight,” Kathy said, “we love it all.” The “water fight” is, more correctly, the Bucket Brigade Race scheduled for 2 p.m., but nobody seems to call it that, since the contest tends to spin quickly – and wetly – out of control. The Schmidts will spend the bulk of the day drying off, eating, strolling about town, relaxing by Clear Creek and anticipating the fireworks over Guanella Pass at dusk. “To be really good,” Joe explained, “fireworks have to echo off the mountains.”

At 11 a.m., a color guard of Marines in dress uniform led off bearing Old Glory and the banner of the Corps. To a person accustomed to the jaded indifference of the 21st century, the sight of hundreds of men instinctively removing their caps in deference to the flag was surprising and incredibly poignant. It was just the beginning. Little Forrest got a run for his money that day, and Dallas was not to be envied her high office.

A formation of old soldiers in white shirts and slacks, proud veterans of long-ago wars, marched down the street in close order, stopping at intervals and turning sharply to salute the crowd. They were followed by a procession of men who had fought in the last great battle of World War II, the bloody capture of Iwo Jima. Those aged and necessary reminders of the price of freedom gave way to more festive spectacles like a troupe of kilted bagpipers playing patriotic ditties like “Yankee Doodle Dandy.” It’s impossible to really appreciate that song until it’s rendered on the pipes.

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It was hard to guess the crowd’s favorite because it clearly loved everything that came down the pike, but the steady applause seemed to gain intensity when the Easter Seals HandiCamp contingent moved past behind a camp bus they had, themselves, painted up special for the occasion. Some walking, others following in wheelchairs, the young campers regarded the cheering multitudes with curiously dreamy smiles, perhaps unaccustomed to so much positive attention, and the crowd responded in spades.

Perhaps the most stirring moment of the parade was provided by the Clear Creek County Democrats. Led by a hearty band of pedestrians waving and tossing candy to potential swing-voters on either side, their grand convoy included a shining white jeep and a pair of stately American-made convertibles loaded with party notables and colorful signage proclaiming support for favored political representatives. The message of those few, those happy few, was a better America, and it is no exaggeration to say that gentlemen of Georgetown then abed shall think themselves accursed they were not there, and hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks that saw the Democrats parade down 6th Street on Independence Day.

Jugglers, ancient giant-tired bicycles, squadrons of classic automobiles, brass bands, a semi-precision kazoo ensemble and whole cavalry brigades of youngsters tooling around on their way-over-decorated red-white-and-blue bikes – Georgetown’s parade was pretty much everything one wants to see on a bright, summer morning and almost never does.

Though no award was offered to Monday’s spectators, they deserved one. Their painted faces, funny hats and boundless enthusiasm made the event wonderfully interactive. One wouldn’t think a glittery tiara sprouting a pair of spinning antennae would produce a lump in the throat, but it does.

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So who did Dallas like? Her top honor went to the Silver Plume School float, a very purple, largely inflatable, rugrat-intensive display that likes schools that are open and said so.

“It’s kind of political,” Dallas explained, “but when kids get together to ask you to save their school…” A shrug finished her sentence for her. Forrest may forgive his Aunt Sandra when he’s older. Maybe a lot older.

Following the parade, most people adjourned to City Park, a shady precinct of lush grass and beautiful trees where Georgetown’s industrious ladies were dishing up mighty plates of everything good to eat. At noon, looking like it had been installed in the park’s gazebo during construction, the already-ubiquitous Original Cowboy Band let loose with a rousing program of true-blue American tunes while contented families reclined on the lawn licking their fingers and patting their tummies. It was the Fourth of July in Mayberry without the oppressive humidity and irritating drawls.

Clear Creek County’s excellent Fourth of July observances aren’t confined to Georgetown, of course, and knowledgeable observers insist that Idaho Springs has been setting the standard for top-notch fireworks since the mid-1960s. There are, apparently, a lot of knowledgeable observers because three hours before show time there wasn’t an unoccupied inch of grass anywhere within three blocks of Miner Street.

True savants gravitate to the city parking lot sandwiched between Miner Street and Interstate 70, four blocks of folding chairs, hibachis and heady anticipation that directly face Bridal Veil Falls and Charley Tayler’s impressive water wheel, the Idaho Springs landmarks that help give the town’s pyrotechnic display it’s luminous reputation. The lot was also a sort of pre-display area where state-approved fireworks available to ordinary people were ignited in great numbers. Because Colorado law prohibits civilians from purchasing explosive fireworks, one must conclude that Idaho Springs was thick with small-arms fire that afternoon.

Determined to get a good spot, Stacy Fawcett and Chris Skipp arrived from Littleton at 1 p.m. and settled in to wait for darkness. Neither had seen the display before, but both were already amiably disposed toward the town.

“We have great memories of Idaho Springs,” Fawcett said. “We usually stop by Tommyknockers or the Buffalo Bar on the way back from fishing.” This year, they decided to make the town their destination instead of a way-station. “Some friends come here every year and told us we shouldn’t miss the fireworks, so here we are.”

A short distance away, Floyd Hill resident Linda Beasler acted as reluctant spokeswoman for a party of eight enjoying their umpteenth Independence Day in Idaho Springs. Its comfy seating, well-stocked coolers and expansive buffet table mark the group as seasoned enthusiasts. Parked in the first rank with an unimpeded view of the adjacent hillside, one might assume they had been there since first light. Not so.

“That’s why we have teenagers,” Beasler laughed. “We sent them here at 6:30 with two cars to grab our spot.” It’s that kind of enterprise and exploitation of child labor that made America the powerhouse it is today.

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According to the Idaho Springs Fire Department, the show was to begin at “dusk.” The opening salvo, a glorious, blazing representation of Old Glory, was actually fired at 9:25 which is really more like “night.” Anyway, it was well worth the wait. What followed was a solid 50 minutes of superbly choreographed fireworks that lit up the surrounding hills and rebounded powerfully off the canyon walls. Thousands gasped in simultaneous admiration when a lengthy string of pyrotechnics strung across the hillside was lit, sending a shower of sparks cascading down the falls and backlighting the water wheel with a fiery curtain of stars. It would have been impressive anywhere but, thanks to Idaho Springs’ unique geography, it was pure magic.

At 10:15, a flaming banner reading “Goodnite ISFD” signaled the end of the show and the beginning of the desperate race to get onto the highway before the streets became a solid, creeping mass of frustrated motorists. It’s a yearly ritual that has done nothing to detract from the event’s popularity.

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Independence Day means different things to different people, and spending the day mowing the lawn or finally taking down the Christmas lights can be legitimate acts of patriotism. Still, it’s heartening to know that there are places in Colorado’s high country where the Fourth of July is a full-blown celebration of national and community pride. In Clear Creek County, nobody needs an invitation to attend America’s best birthday party. They just need to relax and enjoy the fun.

Still-life in bronze

bike-bell-300x300Like many people his age, Winston Jones gets up early. 

    As the gray light of dawn steals in through the wall of glass next to the dining table, he makes a cup of coffee and lights the first cigarette of the day.  The first smoke, he knows, is always the best.  Friends still badger him to give up the habit but, at 90, Jones figures it’s a little late to start worrying about that.  He prefers to nurture the few vices left to him.

     The house, a beautiful, ancient structure of stone and wood set on several wooded acres on Upper Bear Creek Road, is quiet.  Because he lives alone, it usually is.  He smokes, sips his coffee, and contemplates the day ahead.

     There are not many demands on Jones’ time, these days – a hard thing for a man accustomed to an active social life.  Fortunately, he has many friends in Evergreen and elsewhere who visit him, though fewer every year.  Getting old is tough.

     If he isn’t expecting friends, he may spend the morning at war with the dandelions that threaten his expansive front lawn.  He might decide to pore over some catalogues he’s been meaning to get after, or maybe do some dusting.  These old houses can get dusty quick, if you let them. 

     After a while, Jones, a small, slight man, rises painfully and moves into the front room.  His doctor told him he is in remarkably good health for his advanced age, but this summer his arthritis is giving him trouble.  It has been a pretty wet year after all, and the dampness seems to get right into his bones.

     Examining the calendar, he sees that he should probably get dressed and get ready.  He is giving a tour today. 

     For almost half a century, Jones’ home has also been the International Bell Museum, and he is its owner, curator and guide.  Lovingly, painstakingly assembled over a span of almost 80 years, Jones is the proud owner of what is, in all likelihood, the largest collection of bells in the world. 

     Cheerfully tinkling souvenir bells and deep-throated bronze Goliaths; bells recovered from vanished civilizations and exotic bells of wood and horn gathered from distant parts of the globe; stunning creations of crystal and silver, each one a matchless example of beauty and craftsmanship.  Every bell has a story about who we are and where we came from, and Jones knows every story by heart.

     His unique exhibit, more than 9,000 pieces and counting, is squeezed into three rooms of his house.  It is what a group is coming to see, and why Jones has to shake a leg this morning. 

     Justly proud of his creation, he always enjoys showing it off to an appreciative audience.  It’s also nice to keep busy.  When he’s busy he doesn’t have time to worry.  He spends far too much time worrying, lately.  He worries about his bells.  He knows that a day is coming when he won’t be able to care for them, and unless he can find someone who will accept and protect his glorious achievement, the work of a lifetime will be scattered to the four winds.

     Jones can recall no specific moment when he felt his destiny lay with bells, nor was there any time in his life when he aspired to have the largest collection of bells on earth.  He just knew he liked them, and that was enough. 

     Jones first saw Evergreen in 1919, the year his father, an executive with Chrysler, built their summer home on Bear Creek.  He still remembers the small tent-city the workmen erected on the lawn during construction.  The result was Granite Glen, a five-bedroom manor on 36 acres of cool canyon floor.  Nobody could have foreseen what the stately “cabin” would become.

     As a boy growing up in Hastings, Neb., Jones was fascinated by his bicycle bell, though he can’t say precisely why.  He started buying bells where he could find them, and in short order had nearly a dozen.  Even then, he had rules.  He only sought bells with unusual, artistic, or historical qualities.  His parents, at first, dismissed his hobby as a childish whim that would fade as quickly as it began, but soon recognized the educational potential of bell collecting. 

     Traveling often because of his father’s work, his parents started snooping around antique shops along the East Coast, bringing home curious or beautiful bells for Jones.  By the time he left Hastings to attend college in Chicago, he had amassed a respectable 750 bells.

     One memorable summer in the late 1920s, he spent a summer working for Edwin Welz and his wife, Marie, at the Brook Forest Inn.  Welz, a benevolent, if somewhat eccentric, Austrian, ran cattle and tourists on his 160-acre spread.  After a busy season, he rewarded Jones with the bell that hung from the neck of his lead cow, a bell that now rests in a place of honor at Granite Glen.

     When he wasn’t studying English and Drama, he performed with the Goodman Repertory Theater Company throughout the Midwest, and did summer stock at the Lakeshore Theater in Westport, Mass.  These were opportunities to not only indulge his growing love of theater, but to mine new areas of the country for bells.

     He soon moved to California, where he spent years honing his acting skills and becoming an expert makeup-artist.  For the stage, he dropped the Jones and performed as Winston Howard, finding his middle name made a more distinctive surname. 

     He got a break, of sorts, when a show-business insider saw him appearing at the Pasadena Playhouse in “Pass the Nuts”, a popular comedy in which he portrayed a psychiatrist in a men’s asylum.  At the man’s suggestion, Jones auditioned for David O. Selznick’s acting troupe. 

     One of five selected from more than 250 hopefuls, he spent the next few years touring California and the West.  One summer, Selznick’s production company descended on Durango to film a western called The Denver and Rio Grande Railroad.  Jones and other members of the crew were billeted at the regal Strater Hotel.  He was delighted to discover an exquisite glass bell at a little shop just down the street.  That bell now gleams from a glass case in his front room.

     He became close friends with several actors who would later become prominent movie and television personalities.  Among his many prized mementos of that exciting time is a program from a play he worked on at the Lobero Theater in Santa Barbara.  It is signed by such talents as June Lockhart, Janet Gaynor and Harry Bratsburg, who later gained a measure of fame as Harry Morgan, best known as Col. Potter in television’s M*A*S*H.

     With the outbreak of war in Europe, Jones went to work for Douglas Aircraft Co. in Santa Monica.  Employed in the shipping department, he quickly rose to a position of responsibility while his collection grew to 500 bells. 

     On December 8, 1941, the day after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, he gave notice that he would enlist in the army at once.  His supervisor was furious, but Jones was determined to wear a uniform, not a coat and tie.

     After basic training, Jones was assigned to the U.S. Army Medical Corps.  Within a year he had been promoted through the non-commissioned ranks to sergeant, and served as a ward-master at several army hospitals in California.  Encouraged by his superiors to apply for Officer’s Candidate School and earn a commission, he declined, preferring the camaraderie of the lower ranks.  Whenever he was able to obtain a Class A pass, permitting him to travel freely, he spent his time prowling antique shops and art galleries in search of bells.

     As a G.I., collecting bells could be problematic.  In one instance, a full Colonel stormed into his barracks to conduct an unannounced inspection.  When he reached Jones’ bunk, he demanded to see the contents of his footlocker, and was dumbfounded to find the trunk completely filled with bells.

     “Where,” he wanted to know, “are your clothes?”

     “They’re in my buddy’s locker, sir.”

     The officer stood silently for a long moment, staring at the unmilitary cache, his expression a combination of surprise, fury and bemusement.  Then, perhaps confounded, he simply moved on.

     From a hobbyist’s perspective, his time in the service was productive.  Along with numerous smaller bells, he also procured three large ones, including the ship’s bell from the steamship Santa Rosa, a coaster that ran aground in 1910.  These large bells were shipped home to his parents in Hastings, C.O.D., of course.

     Discharged at the end of the war, Jones moved to Denver in 1945 and became the master of Granite Glen.  He finally had a permanent home for his collection, which in this year could boast about 750 bells.  The smaller ones he merely set on the stone ledges that line the rooms of the house.  The six large bronze bells he now owned were installed in the spacious glade that enfolds the front of the building like a lush, green apron.

     He got a job in the shipping department at Hendrie & Bolthoff, a hardware wholesaler with offices on 17th Street across from Union Station.  That’s where he met Erma Swartz. 

     Swartz worked in the basement, keeping track of the company’s files.  She loved to dance, and they soon developed a regular date schedule.  One night each week they would dress up and go out on the town.  Dinner at one of Denver’s better restaurants followed by a show, and then off to a nightclub to trip the light fantastic.  They were married in Hastings in 1953 by Jones’ cousin, a Presbyterian minister.

     His mother, who had long suffered from a heart condition, died later that same year, and his father followed just months later.  His parents left him a generous trust, which they expected would sustain him comfortably for the rest of his days.  The Jones’ settled into a pleasant, contented manner of living.

     Jones joined the American Bell Association (ABA) in 1957.  At first, he was simply curious to learn how many bell collectors there were in Colorado.  He discovered that there were several, and wasted no time founding the Colorado chapter of the organization. 

     Membership, they say, has its privileges.  The ABA, a network of bell enthusiasts that stretches across the nation and much of the world, proved to be a bonanza of superb bells.  His collection quickly grew to more than 3,000 bells, and the glade in front of the house contained an impressive 50, solidly mounted, large bells of bronze, brass and iron.

     The International Bell Museum was also christened in 1957.  Jones consolidated his bells into two rooms of the house.  He had shelving and glass cases constructed to properly display them, and began conducting tours of the marvelous exhibit during summer months.

     Though Erma did not share his obsession with bells, she understood and encouraged it.  She preferred to put her energies into community clubs and organizations, and became a recognized member of both Evergreen and Denver social circles.  Of course, one cannot exist in such a tight orbit around Winston Jones without feeling the gravity of the bells.  Erma contributed many of the museums pieces, and attended several of the ABA’s yearly conventions with her husband.

     In 1962, President Kennedy proclaimed that all the large bells in the nation should be rung simultaneously each July 4th, a gesture signifying freedom, peace and unity.  This appealed to Jones on many levels, but chiefly because it was an opportunity to bring the community to Granite Glen and set all those majestic bells to voice for five glorious minutes gut-wrenching pandemonium.  He has continued this tradition for the last 42 years, and has no plans to abandon it.

     In 1971, Erma was diagnosed with cancer.  Confined to a hospital bed, her husband drove into Denver every day for almost a year to sit at her bedside and offer what comfort he could.  The bills were stupendous, with a team of 10 doctors tasked to her constant care.  Jones watched in helpless dismay as her condition worsened.  She died on August 29, 1972. 

     During the long months of Erma’s illness, the trust that was intended to provide for Jones indefinitely quickly dwindled to nothing, and he was forced to sell a large portion of Granite Glen to settle hospital accounts.  He still had his bells, but little else.

     There were hard facts that needed to be faced.  Without income from the trust, Granite Glen must be liquidated after his death.  While he still owned his wonderful collection, he had no means to endow it.  The immense treasure, numbering some 6,000 works of art and history, might not survive him.

     Jones contacted his home town of Hastings.  After lengthy negotiations, the town agreed to accept the bells as a gift, promising to preserve and display the collection in its entirety.  It was not a perfect solution, but the best that Jones could expect under the circumstances.  Reassured that his bells would be cared for into the distant future, he could relax and get on with life.

     For the next 30 years, Jones lived quietly at his home on Upper Bear Creek.  He did a couple of shows with the Evergreen Players, entertained guests from time to time, and, in 1980, joined the Elks lodge, which has been a tremendous source of comfort and companionship for him.

     Attending ABA conventions was always a high point for Jones.  Like a kid in a candy store, he delighted in the exotic bells offered for sale, and never failed bring several new, fascinating bells home to Evergreen.

     Last year, having received no communication from Hastings in a distressingly long time, Jones contacted the town government himself, just to touch base and confirm their mutually advantageous arrangement.  Hastings gently, politely, officiously pulled the rug straight out from under him.  We are very sorry, he was told, but it turns out we can’t afford to take the bells after all.  We meant to call and tell you.  Surely you understand. 

     For Jones and his bells, this was a catastrophe.  Despite further inquiries, but has yet to make any substantial headway in finding a new home for his spectacular legacy.  While he would prefer that the collection remains in Evergreen, he is ready to donate it to any museum, library or similar institution that agrees to accept, transport, preserve and display the collection intact.  Somewhere, he believes, is an institution that wants his cherished collection, if only he could locate it.

     Jones now offers tours year-round.  At $6 a pop, $4 for seniors, every little bit helps.  He welcomes the small group of visitors into his museum.  For the next two hours he escorts them through rooms bursting with every manner of ringing thing imaginable.  Glass cases full of bells line walls that are, themselves, festooned with bells.  Bells hang thickly from the ceiling.

     He points out those of particular artistic or historical significance, like the nested camel bells from Qom, Iran, or the dinner bell that Baby Doe Tabor used to summon servants in her Denver mansion.  Should a guest ask about any one of the more than 9,000 bells that the museum now contains, Jones quickly provides a detailed explanation of the item from memory.  Millennia of history, culture, religion and industry are represented here.

     A small, unremarkable bicycle bell, one that fascinated a small boy many long years ago, is passed by unnoticed and unmentioned, overshadowed by its more glamorous neighbors.

     On their way out, the visitors take several minutes to wander through the glen, admiring the 100 large bells arrayed there, some mounted on simple wooden platforms, others suspended from elaborate stone follies.  The lush grass is neatly mowed, a chore performed by lodge brothers only days before.  Then they get in their car and drive away. 

     The work of a true collector is never done.  Jones reminds himself to call that bell-maker in Pennsylvania, the one that makes those beautiful, clever bronze bells.  He wants to order the one fashioned like a rooster, with a clapper shaped like a claw grasping an egg.  Beautiful.  And he really should get someone in here to convert that bookshelf into a bell case.  There is a lot of usable space there, and Jones expects to need it.  And he’s still on the lookout for a buoy bell, a hard-to-get item he’s been chasing for years.

     He’ll fix a drink later, and then make dinner.  It’s always good to have a cocktail before dinner, he knows.  It helps you relax.  For just a short while, you almost forget to worry.

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Winston Jones died at home in 2006. His bells have been dispersed.

Don’t Poke the Bear

angry-bear-showing-its-jawOne sunny afternoon last week, a deputy responded to a 911 love-emergency on Berrian Trail. A young man sitting in a car outside said he’d rather not go inside because it would only invite an argument with his girlfriend. Entering alone, the officer found the young woman busily packing her belongings. She said she had no emergency and had merely called 911 because her boyfriend had discontinued her phone service and that was the only number she could get. She also charged her former beau with breaking her laptop and said she wanted him “out of my face.”  According to the officer, the angry young lady maintained a consistently sarcastic and “unfriendly” demeanor throughout their interview. He retreated outside to confab with the boyfriend, who explained that he’d left the laptop in his car during several cold nights and feared that its liquid crystal guts might be suffering from exposure. He also said that her phone account had been in his mom’s name, and his mom pulled the plug because she no longer wished to be responsible for the ill-tempered girl’s phone bill. At the deputy’s suggestion, the lovelorn fellow left for the evening so his bitter sweetheart could finish packing without interruption. When so jodi4informed, the woman said “fine” and abruptly dismissed the officer. Before leaving, the deputy attempted to ask the girl a few follow-up questions, but was chagrined to learn that they were no longer on speaking terms. Defeated, he announced his departure. Imperiously, she ignored him. Prudently, he closed the case.

Before You Go – Lowered Expectations on Top of the World

You’re probably thinking,

“Maybe this is the year I quit smoking, drinking and banging Mr. Brownstone, and finally climb Mount Everest.”

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I think that’s great. Dream big, I say. For myself, this summer I have every good intention of completing the entire Rootin’ Teuton Sausage Tour at Helmut’s Black Forest Café & Wurst Haus, which is totally similar.

While such laudable gustatory achievements have yet to gain wide acknowledgement, we are relentlessly reminded that climbing Mount Everest might be the noblest endeavor of which a person is capable. Think of it: Bravely pitting your fragile substance against that dangerous and indifferent monolith; fighting your way into the gasping sky to the greater glory of King and Country; surpassing the boundaries of physical and mental endurance in selfless celebration of the indomitable human spirit.

It just sounds so cool, right?

But before you mortgage the farm for a Sherpa-class ticket to Kathmandu, you should talk to Clark Jackson. For what it’s worth, Jackson may well be the only mountaineer in world history who never claimed to have picked up the sport for lofty philosophical reasons.

“I feel like it’s something I’m pretty good at,” he explains. “You always want to do things you’re good at.”

Way to suck the romance right out of it, Clark. Still, I’ve got to grant him points for getting after the world’s highest mountain. Goodness knows his wife wasn’t making with the kudos.

“Actually, nobody I know thought it was a good idea,” Jackson admits. “But I’m a pretty cautious climber, and I was pretty sure I’d be okay.”

On the mountain locals call Sagarmatha, okay is a relative term. Soaring more than five miles into the atmosphere, Everest is an unforgiving mass of rock and ice littered with the bodies of those who hadn’t the skill or judgment or luck to survive its treacheries. No other mountain even comes close to Everest in difficulty and sheer peril. Near its summit you breathe a third less oxygen than at sea level, making even simple tasks – tying a bootlace, adjusting a crampon, snapping a selfie – a universe of fatigue. A clear, still morning can become a blinding wilderness of swirling snow without warning, and the summit is frequently hammered by sustained winds exceeding 150mph. In the everer“death zone” at altitudes above 27,000 feet, the body begins to die, and no amount of rest or nourishment or bottled oxygen can stop the decay. The only salvation is straight down.

But danger means nothing to courageous men like me and Jackson. The expense, on the other hand, can be daunting, and you start paying through the nose long before you get within smelling distance of an honest-to-goodness yak. The typical climbing kit starts at $8,000 for gear, plus another $3,000 for bottled oxygen. Airfare from the Heartland will set you back about $2,000, an official Nepalese or Tibetan climbing permit can run an extortionate $25,000, and expect to fork over at least $2,000 for airport transfers to and from Base Camp.

Once you’re into the scene for a solid $40,000, it’s time to shatter that credit limit into smithereens and engage a guide service. For basic amenities like food, expect to pay $40,000. For Ambassador-class amenities like an actual guide, roped routes, and some assurance of first-aid as required, $80,000 is closer to the mark. For an additional consideration, true adventurers may also enjoy personal porters, personal cooks, and personal tent-putter-uppers.

I mean, you’re not an animal, right?

Figure fees on the order of $120,000 just to get your foot in the Everest Club door.

The spring climbing season is a brief window that creaks ajar as the jet stream’s savage winds shift north of the Himalayas, and slams shut again six weeks later when the summer monsoon unleashes storms and heavy snow from the south. Arriving at the 17,000-plus-foot base camp in late April, 2006, Jackson spent the next three weeks building his endurance and getting to know something about the dozen other members of his party, an international collection of diverse temperaments and outlooks hailing from the U.S., Britain, Austria, Brazil, Ecuador and Malaysia. Jackson quickly struck up a close acquaintance with British climber David Sharp, a friendly sort who’d tried – and failed – to summit Everest twice before.

“He was like a lot of Englishmen,” Jackson recalls. “A little eccentric and very opinionated, but a good guy. There’s a lot of down-time before a climb, so you have a chance to get pretty close to people, and I spent more time talking with Sharp than anyone else.”

A lot of what he and Sharp talked about was the increasing frequency of thefts on Everest.

“I was disillusioned because it went against my belief that everybody on the mountain is trustworthy, that everybody pulls together and helps each other achieve a common goal,” says Jackson. “It’s unconscionable to take something that someone needs to survive, and stuff was disappearing from camps almost every day.”

Who would do such a thing? In 2008, two years after Jackson’s tale was told, Michael Kodas published “High Crimes: The Fate of Everest in an Age of Greed” detailing the prevalence of unethical guides, shady Sherpas, rampant prostitution, runaway gambling and outright fraud that has come to characterize Base Camp.

“Sherpas take the stuff to sell,” says Jackson. “I mean, there are good ones and bad ones, but the bad ones are pretty bad. Sometimes, equipment would be coming to Base Camp on yak-trains and the yak drivers would take off with everything.”

Jackson also got to know a Brazilian litterbug named Vitor Negrete who was making his second Everest attempt.

“He was nice, but he was definitely a different kind of guy,” Jackson says. “I called him ‘The Barbarian’ because he was really messy. He just didn’t care about anything but getting to the top.”

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????Then again, what’s a few Snickers wrappers amid the more than 50 tons of trash and flash-frozen sewage weighing down Everest’s brawny slopes? As it happened, thieves cleaned out Negrete’s Camp II even as he fought for his life in the thin air far above.

If there were plenty of experienced mountaineers present at Base Camp, the place positively teemed with rank novices who’d paid heavy fees to guide companies that promised an easy ride to the end of the world’s toughest hike.

“There were a lot of people who didn’t really look like they belonged there, like they weren’t really ready for Everest.”

Adding a bizarre, Hollywood aspect to the already surreal scene on the mountain, a Discovery Channel film crew was on hand to document the ascent of New Zealander Mark Ingliss, who lost both legs to frostbite while trying to scale Everest in 1982.

“It was a real circus,” Jackson sighs. “I understand the commercial aspects of mountaineering, but it was still pretty weird.”

On May 10, Jackson made his bid for the summit, a grueling three-day plod nearly 8,000 feet straight up, culminating in a brief, dizzying interlude beneath only the stars. Along the way he tumbled to another of Everest’s dirty little secrets.

“Like most people, I thought all Sherpas were expert mountaineers who could help you in any situation,” Jackson says. “I was surprised to find out that they don’t know all that much. They’re able to function at high altitude, but they don’t know anything about the equipment. Beyond being experts at following one route up the mountain, they’re not that much help.”

Of six others from his 13-member trekking party who achieved the holy grail of mountaineering, two perished miserably before they could descend to safety, including David Sharp, who died near the summit while troops of fellow climbers trudged past within inches of his prostrate form just two days after Jackson’s triumph. Even as Jackson struggled with the death of his British friend, word trickled down from above that Negrete had succumbed to altitude sickness as he descended from the summit on May 18, dying high on the side of the pitiless mountain. His cold fate was Jackson’s last straw.

“When I heard about the deaths, it changed my whole dynamic. After all that time and trouble, two members of my party died. Everybody told me that once you’ve been to the Himalayas, they get in your blood and you’ll always come back. But I don’t think I’d ever go back, even if I hadn’t made the summit. All of a sudden getting to the top of a mountain didn’t seem all that important. I just wanted to go home.”

bottleneckIt was merely the last – and worst – of many disillusionments Jackson suffered during his Himalayan holiday. As equipment, infrastructure and commercial incentives improve, unprecedented numbers of climbers are reaching Mount Everest’s summit. More than 200 hardy hikers joined Jackson on the summit 2006. A whopping 658 stood astride Everest’s white crown in 2013, nearly all of them scoring their goal during three short episodes of acceptable weather. There, on the very top of the world, it is now possible to stand in line for five hours waiting for the 200-plus people ahead of you to navigate the “Hillary Step” bottleneck.

While good news for the casual campaigner, that remarkable summiting success rate begs abuse. Because there may possibly be some few mountaineers for whom the summiting Everest is invested with the smallest element of personal aggrandizement, and since merely getting to the top is no longer sufficient to get your name in the hometown fish-wrap, there could conceivably exist a mild motivation within less sturdy psychologies to find other avenues to distinction.

“Everybody’s trying to be a ‘first.’”

Fact is, that trend has been apparent since at least 1990, when for no obvious good reason an Australian adventurer named Tim Macartney-Snape became the first to trek to the top of Everest from sea-level. Once that was accomplished, in 1999 Babu Chiri Sherpa had little choice but to become the first person to spend the night atop Everest. In 2000, Slovenian Davo Karnicar became the first to ski down from the top, and the following year Marco Saffredi, a Frenchie, and Stefan Gatt, and Austrianie, were the first to snowboard down the mountain. Also in 2001, Erik Weihenmayer became the first blind person to take the walk. The youngest to summit Everest was 13-year-old Jordan Romero in 2010, the oldest woman to do so was Tamae Watanabe, 73, in 2012, and the flat-out oldest was 80-year-old Yuichiro Miura in 2013.

skiIn 2004, Moni Mule Pati and Pem Dorjee Sherpa, both of Nepal, became the first to get married atop Mount Everest, concealing their wedding plans until their hapless (and presumably giftless) guests were assembled thereon. In 2006, when Jackson was making his way onward and upward, Lakpa Tharke Sherpa, 24, claimed laurels as the first man to be naked on the summit, shedding his polars and standing totally starkers for three shrinkage-inducing minutes. As propriety would have it, Lakpa was later chastised for the deed by the Nepali government, which considers Sagarmatha sacred-ish, like a really big church with really hard pews.

Speaking of illegal attempts, the first-ever tweet from the summit was sent by Kenton Cool in 2011. “Everest summit no 9!” gloried Cool, the poetry flowing from his fingers like honeyed wine. “1st tweet from the top of the world thanks to a weak 3G signal.” Unfortunately, Nepalese authorities deemed his message, which was picked up and aired by the BBC, to be a commercial broadcast undertaken without the proper and expensive government permissions. Cool is now learning what it takes to scale the Nepali legal edifice.

Coincidentally, while being a “first” is now the goal of many Everest climbers, Jackson may well have snubbed a legitimate record of his own. A card-carrying member of the Kansas Potowatamee tribe, he is quite likely the first Native American to set foot on Everest’s peak.

“No one holds that title, and I’ve never heard of a Native American doing it, so I might be the first,” he shrugs. “But I don’t really want to go there.”

Indeed, Jackson considers getting one’s name in the history books a pointless, and potentially dangerous, preoccupation.

“One guy was going for his eighth summit,” says Jackson, shaking his head. “How many times do you need to climb it before your luck runs out?”

Three times for Sharp, for Negrete only two.

“I don’t want to be one of those guys who keep climbing time and again, who keeps pushing until something goes wrong.”

A reasonable position.

But that’s him.

Maybe your own ambition is more compelling than Jackson’s timely caution. Maybe you dream of being the first to wear a fake mustache on Everest, or to down the mountain’s first Jello-shot, or be the first to perform La Marseillaise on a harmonica with the whole world as your audience. I won’t dump in your corn flakes, so long as you have a good reason and $120,000.

But I won’t be joining you, I’m afraid.

I expect to have a lot on my plate.

sausages

Lover’s Leap

curtainA Florence Road resident called 911 to report someone yelling for help near his home. Following faint calls of “help me,” the responding deputy located a mostly naked and fully inebriated woman lying on the ground. “I think I broke my hip,” she said, clearly in pain. “I’ve been crawling for hours.” While largely incoherent, the woman managed to say that someone she “thought was a friend” had drugged and molested her, and that she’d escaped by leaping from a window, although she couldn’t recall who had mistreated her or where he could be found. As soon as Elk Creek Fire Rescue personnel arrived the deputy began scouting for the source of the self-defenstrating damsel, and soon discovered white curtains fluttering from an open third-story window on Alvin Place. Entering through an unlocked basement door, he quickly located a fully-clothed man sleeping one off in that upstairs bedroom next to the woman’s discarded clothing. The man said that he and the injured woman had been romantically involved for about three weeks and had no idea why she would jump out of the window. The home’s owners, roused from deep slumber in an adjacent bedroom, confirmed that they’d all spent a perfectly congenial evening together and couldn’t explain the woman’s flight. Discovering a small quantity of ganja in the man’s wallet, deputies arrested him anyway, an action he protested loudly, frankly and continually. The woman was transported to Saint Anthony’s Central, where medicos found no sign of ungentlemanly flyingwoman1trifling, and observed that people with her Himalayan blood-alcohol-content are often subject to hallucinations and erratic behavior