Highs ‘n’ Lows

 

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If you’ve lived in Colorado for any length of time, you know the sun in these parts can be deleterious to the dermis.

And you’ve probably been read-in on four-bit mountain maladies like hypoxia, cerebral edema and hypobaropathy. Yet you’ve gladly accepted those risks in exchange for the wide reaches and long views available only in these rare-air regions. But before you get too comfortable, understand that science, in its never-ending quest to find new things to be upset about, has recently uncovered a new and frightening way in which our skyscraping home is trying to kill us.

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The unholy alliance between altitude and suicide was first publicly noted in Utah. Frequently polling as the “happiest state” in the Union, the Beehive State also boasts the nation’s highest “depression index”, its highest use of antidepressant drugs and, most significantly, one if its highest suicide rates. A neuroscientist with the University of Utah named Perry Renshaw dubbed the disparity the “Utah Paradox” and started gathering statistics to explain it.

Renshaw’s conclusion? Residents of Orem kill themselves more often that folks in Orlando, because they’re…well…higher. Scientists in Austria and South Korea have reached similar conclusions, and after studying 2,584 counties from sea-level to shining sea-level, researchers with the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) cautiously concur.

“Altitude is strongly associated with suicide rates,” reads their 2011 abstract. “This novel finding is not explained by county differences in demographic factors, income, or geographic isolation.”

That qualifier was welcomed with poor grace by a chorus of gun-control advocates, sociologists and mental health professionals that had immediately ascribed Renshaw’s discovery to various other factors peculiar to the Mountain West, such as a greater incidence of gun ownership, more remote living circumstances and less access to mental health services. In fact, the CDC considered all of those variables, and more, before reaching the guarded conclusion that altitude matters.

ef4dcbb96aa6dbf1fd3d5a0cd1ca73f0If you graph suicide rates on a map, what emerges is a broad band of self-destruction centered squarely on the Rocky Mountain corridor and bleeding west into the Great Basin. A CDC report for 2012 sets the national suicide rate at 12.6 per 100,000. Listed in descending order of auto-mortality, the most suicide-prone states in the nation that year were Wyoming (29.6), Alaska (23.0), Montana (22.6), New Mexico (21.3), Utah (21.0), Colorado (19.7), Idaho (19.7), Nevada (18.2), Oregon (18.0) and Oklahoma (17.8). 

On the brighter end of the scale, states with lowest suicide rates also tend to be lower-slung. Witness Rhode Island at 9.5, Massachusetts at 8.7, New York at 8.3, New Jersey at 7.4, and, curiously enough, Washington, D.C. at 5.7, the lowest rate in the nation.

No matter how you crunch them, the numbers lean to the lofty, although Renshaw insists the phenomenon is discernible at elevations as low as 2,000 feet. And if Alaska’s unfortunate second-place showing seems a bit anomalous, consider that while most of the Last Frontier isn’t all that high, it tends to be dark, and that’s not good for anybody’s head.

Pitkin3Closer to home, the tragic association between altitude and suicide is even easier to follow. The great mass of precipitous playgrounds that are Gilpin, Clear Creek, Park, Lake, Teller, Chaffee, Fremont and Custer counties routinely surpass the state average in suicides, while the counties of the plains – particularly the northeastern plains – consistently come in well below it. In 2010, upland and upscale Pitkin County, with a mean elevation of 9,940 feet, posted the sad toll of about 35 suicides per 100,000, the worst in the state by a solid margin. Down-to-earth Otero County, at a more modest 4,500 feet above the sea, was relieved to report a rate of just 14.9 during the same period. For what it’s worth, middle-class and middle-of-the-road Jeffco neatly split the difference with an average elevation of 7,055 feet and a suicide rate of just over 18 lost per 100,000 souls.

But quoting statistics is easy. Explaining them not so much. How do the thinking classes account for the fact that Intermountain West dwellers are up to 30 percent more likely to kill themselves on purpose than their down-slope countrymen? According to Renshaw, it’s a mental problem.

Protracted exposure to the relatively low oxygen levels at high altitudes appears to affect serotonin and dopamine levels in the brain. Serotonin and dopamine are the two chemicals most responsible for telling your brain to feel happy. Serotonin helps stabilize the emotions, while dopamine helps focus the mind. Women, in particular, are at risk of altitude-related mood disorders, since they generally run on about half as much serotonin as men. Exactly how altitude unbalances those essential ingredients of a contented bean is not known, but it’s hard to question the results.

Assault courseTo pick one example, a 2005 study by the Naval Health Research Center evaluated a group of Marines before and after they left their San Diego base for a month of intensive physical training in the Sierras. The soldiers returned physically more fit, but in mental and emotional shambles. Not only were they far more irritable, moody, anxious and distracted than when they left, in almost every case those symptoms persisted for at least 90 days.

AFA_GraduatesTo pick another, a surprisingly high percentage of new instructors at the United State Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs bug out after just a few months, typically citing depression and an inability to concentrate. What’s more, cadets hailing from higher altitudes consistently out-perform their lowland-bred classmates. In both cases, the unhappiness and loss of mental acuity can neatly be explained by altitude-adjusted serotonin and dopamine levels. But is it enough to turn thoughts to suicide?

Renshaw proposes that while most people can shrug off a moderate serotonin/dopamine tweak, it’s likely that some people, especially those suffering from severe stress, depression, anxiety or some other pre-existing mental ailment, simply can’t. Thin air can be the five of clubs that brings down the whole house of cards. On the other hand, altitude isn’t apt to push anybody over the cliff unless they’re already standing on the edge.

Top-10-Evil-Scientists-in-the-HistoryNot surprisingly, there may soon be a pill for that. Top American chemists are even now laboring to develop an all-natural dietary supplement they claim will ease the effects of high-elevation respiration. Curiously enough, if you’re reading this you may never need it, because there’s one more paradox that bears mention.

In grilling countless subjects, Renshaw noticed a pronounced tendency in people transplanted from low altitude to high altitude to spend a lot of time moaning about the mountains and pining for their sea-level roots. Just as often, however, former Intermountain West residents who’d suffered geographical demotion described feeling fatigued and scatter-brained and urgently drawn by “the call of the mountains.” A significant percentage, in fact, only escaped those persistent symptoms by fleeing back to their erstwhile aeries.

Sure, that could be sentimentality in action, a purely psychosomatic response, but it could also represent a genuine physiological adaptation to the rigors of thin air. As Renshaw explains, oxygen-poor air typically increases the brain’s dopamine levels, much as a margarita, a Valium or fat spliff would. What those innocents abroad may have been missing is, quite literally, a Rocky Mountain high.

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The ‘S’ is for ‘Sudden Depreciation’

Cruising home along Buffalo Park Road one evening, thrilling to the smooth flow of power supplied by her 8-cylinder, 385hp power-plant, a Three Sisters Circle resident’s ultimate driving experience was marred by a savage snowball attack. In her statement to JCSO, she described gliding past Alderfer/Three Sisters Open Space Park, her showroom-fresh 2008 Porsche Cayenne S purring like a contented tiger, when a pair of frozen white bullets came screaming in from the north and struck the $57,000 grocery-go-getter with brutal force. Although she didn’t actually see the projectiles being launched, she did spy a fleet male person wearing a “colorful short jacket, red and yellow, with an emblem on it,” Snowball2racing up the hill into the park immediately following the attack. Observing the vehicle’s passenger-side mirror dangling from its wires and a deep, 3-inch scratch on the mirror housing, the investigating officer concluded that “suspects unknown, in the course of a single criminal episode, did unlawfully and knowingly damage the real and personal property of ” the unhappy motorist. The case remains in low gear pending further suspect information.

 

Facebook Update

 

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Favored with a vast store of infallible opinions and skin of purest alabaster, I don’t get out of the hermitage that often.  But if my prudent seclusion helps ensure a creamier complexion and more temperate foothills social climate, it tends to leave me in the dark about many of my neighbors’ diverse and interesting activities.

Facebook helps.

the-three-stooges-three-stooges-29303345-451-600I count Mountain Area Land Trust among my bosom e-friends and look forward to reading the occasional notice of its latest timbered triumph. Mount Evans Home Health and Hospice sends me a heads-up whenever it’s about to do something fun, and I am flattered to believe myself among the first informed of Jefferson County Historical Society plans to screen The Three Stooges al fresco in Heritage Grove.

Nyuk, and so forth.

I’m cyber-tight with Evergreen’s business community, too. Shadow Mountain Gallery likes to give me sneak-peeks at impending sublimities, and I can always rely on Tequila’s to keep me apprised of all Cuervo-related developments.  Receiving up-to-the-minute reports from Hearthfire Books on the progress of its madcap “Where’s Waldo?” promotion, I was tempted to start seeking the skulking sprout myself, then remembered that Waldo has made a career out of being diffident and unapproachable, and figured that finding him would only subject us both to pained small-talk and awkward silences. wheres-waldo-missing-posterAnd what if he really doesn’t want to be found?

Makes you think.

The Evergreen Area Chamber of Commerce was kind enough to post a selection of ribbon-cutting photographs on my “news feed”. (Few items posted on my “news feed” correctly qualify as “news”, but as there is no fee associated with the service it would be petty to quibble over labels). They included that picture taken to formally welcome Suzie’s Café into Evergreen’s commercial fold, which was of particular interest to me because I take great pleasure in having a sandwich there.

But perhaps you misunderstand.

Yes, I thoroughly enjoy most everything on Suzie’s menu, but I actually have a sandwich there. It’s called “Steve’s Special”, and it features prodigious portions of two kinds of meat and cheese piled high on a two-fisted roll and topped with thick slices of PADAGWOODS24 AJ 8bacon. Okay, that’s technically three kinds of meat, but I’ve always considered bacon a food apart, like ambrosia, or Space Food Sticks. Funny thing is, I didn’t know Suzie from Guy Savoy when she dreamed up that heavenly hoagie, but there can be no mistake – it’s all me.

Do I have a point?

More like a tenuous connection followed by a questionable conclusion. Looking at Suzie’s ribbon-cutting photo caused me to slip into a drooling stupor of sweet reverie, and the first thing I saw when I came to was Lisa Delia’s “food diary” post. Most folks hereabouts know Lisa as a top-flight personal trainer and a singer/songwriter of lustrous food-journal-diaryrepute, whereas I, who perceive the world only as flickering images on the wall of my cave, know her principally as that gal who keeps track of everything she eats. Here, I believed, was a kindred soul who treasures a fulsome carte du jour as much as I. Was our shared passion be writ large upon the pages of her diary? Yes and no.

Mostly no.

BacchusJainLike me, Lisa clearly applies great thought and energy to the perfection of her personal menu. Our culinary paths diverge, however, at a philosophical fork. Where I worship at the self-indulgent temple of Bacchus, she seems more in tune with a relatively austere Jainist liturgy. Flipping through her dietary directory, we see that on July 1of this year Lisa breakfasted on a three-egg spinach-and-feta omelet, 14 Rainier cherries and one slice of pineapple – 309 total calories. For lunch, two tablespoons of almond butter, a pinch of unsweetened cocoa powder, one tablespoon of raw coconut nectar, and 14 more cherries – 321 total calories. And dinner? A single 210-calorie slice of homemade veggie lasagna. From these figures we learn that in an rainiercherriesentire day Lisa consumes approximately the same freight of calories as contained in my typical salad-course, my typical salad-course being a steaming mound of sliced mushrooms fried in an equal volume of fresh, creamery butter and garnished with bacon. It’s a hearty starter that leaves plenty of room for a 14-ounce butter-fried pork chop.

It’s what’s for dinner.

But I’m no food fascist, and if I prefer a more robust alternative to Lisa’s impoverished table, and worry that she’s not getting the essential fats and cholesterols that are the foundations of a satisfying diet, I know that I must persuade not by censure, but by good example.

And butter’s good for the complexion.

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When Grocers Attack

A Chestnut Drive resident arose from a sound sleep on the morning of March 1 to find his property liberally covered in groceries. The first thing he noticed was the crisp, red apple that someone had hurled through his front window. Investigating further, he discovered several fresh, nourishing, vitamin-rich eggs coating the front of his house and a creamy, delicious layer of chocolate syrup blanketing his car. Completing the natural dietary cycle, soft, absorbent toilet paper had been strewn thickly across the front of his home. Since he and his wife had retired at midnight, he figured the delivery had been made in the early morning, though he assured sheriff’s deputies that he’d never placed such an order. Should authorities succeed in identifying the moonlight provisioners, the homeowner will be most interested in settling his account.
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GO-2-O

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Imagine an engine that runs on water.

No more genuflecting to OPEC. With something like 326 million trillion gallons of go-juice laying around in plain sight, we can tell Saudi Arabia to stick it in its bore hole and laugh out loud as the screen door hits Venezuela in the Caracas.

No more air pollution. Water in, water out. Goodbye smog, hello fog. Imagine the universal jubilation as the scourge of global warming caused by excessive carbon dioxide in the atmosphere is transformed overnight into the menace of global cooling caused by a vast eruption of squeaky-clean water vapor that blots out the sun in a perpetual anthropogenic monsoon of benign emissions.

It could happen.

But not today.

220px-William_Nicholson_b1753Fact is, the theoretical potential for a water-fueled engine has been around since at least 1799, when English chemist William Nicholson discovered that a small electrical charge applied to a beaker of H2O will split the liquid’s molecules into their individual atomic elements. The process is called electrolysis, and it can be reproduced today by any half-wit bonobo with a mayonnaise jar, a 12-volt battery and a few inches of copper wire.

steve%20schmid%20water-engine1aIt was pretty sharp stuff back in the day, though, and by 1807 an enterprising French tinkerer named Francois Isaac de Revis used electrolysis to lay in a store of pure hydrogen and lashed together a motor to burn it in. The result was the world’s very first combustion engine, and it can fairly be said to have run on water. It was a scientific triumph, a commercial failure, and the first lap of a 200-year race to produce a viable successor.

Like electrolysis, the principles behind the water-powered engine are pretty basic. Water is composed of two hydrogen atoms and one atom of oxygen (H2O). Hydrogen – the most abundant element in the universe comprising about three-quarters of all known matter – is a highly flammable and efficient fuel capable of delivering more than twice as much bang for the buck as gasoline.

electrolysis_chemistryWater – fresh, tap, salt or otherwise – is fed into an electrolysis “fuel cell” where its hydrogen and oxygen atoms part company. Freed of their fire-retardant oxygen baggage, the hydrogen atoms are channeled into a combustion chamber. When ignited, they instantly re-combine with oxygen, releasing energy, and the repatriation of the sundered elements creates no residue more harmful than San Pellegrino

In theory, the pure water thus exhausted can be fed back into the fuel cell where, in theory, the energy it just produced can divide it again, creating, in theory, a self-sustaining system. In theory it’s the perfect perpetual-motion machine, and the only reason we’re not all driving around in 12-cylinder water-fueled Cadillacs is because all that giddy theorizing eventually crashes headlong into the immutable bridge-abutment of Natural Law.

Specifically, our hypothetical water-powered car shamelessly violates the First Law of Thermodynamics, which inconveniently insists that the total energy of an isolated system is constant. As Revis discovered to his chagrin, it takes precisely the same amount of energy to split a water molecule apart as it does to mash it back together first-law-of-thermodynamicsagain. In other words, the energy required by the water engine’s fuel cell is exactly the same amount created in its combustion chamber, and vice versa, leaving exactly no energy left over to perform useful work like, say, making beep-beep go zoom-zoom.

The water engine further falls afoul of the Second Law of Thermodynamics, which decrees that any closed energy system is only as good as the sum of its entropies. Water engines unavoidably shed energy in the form of heat, resulting in a net energy loss that can’t be replaced within the system, as previously harped about in the First Law of Thermodynamics.

But laws, as they say, are meant to be broken, and there’s never been a shortage of gutsy entrepreneurs who believe they can skirt the unreasonable dictates of physics, or who at least believe they can make a pool of trusting investors believe they can. Hardly a year goes by that some intrepid inventor doesn’t pop up on the Internet claiming to have solved the water engine riddle by adding some mysterious electron-rich substance to the water or by some proprietary fuel-cell tweak.

StanleyMeyersDuneBuggy-300x1681Perhaps the most famous – or infamous – of those maverick mechanics was Stan Meyer, an Ohio resident who 20 years ago claimed to have perfected the technology by adding deuterium to the water supply, and who three years later was successfully sued by a swarm of disappointed speculators. Meyer told everybody who’d listen that a nefarious conspiracy involving jealous automobile and oil interests lay behind his downfall, and when in 1998 he died suddenly in a restaurant parking lot it was assumed among his supporters that he’d been poisoned, a belief undoubtedly fortified by Meyer’s dying utterance, “I was poisoned.”

More recently, if less dramatically, in 2002 a New Jersey outfit calling itself Genesis World Energy convinced a collection of credulous capitalists to back its market-ready fuel cell to the tune of $2.5 million. No GWE fuel cells actually went to market, and in 2006 the company’s owner began serving a five year prison sentence for theft.

genepax-water-energy-system-car-01In 2008, amid equal parts public fanfare and industrial secrecy, scientists with Japanese-based start-up Genepax announced the perfection of a miraculous Water Energy System, assuring a petroleum-fatigued world that its water energy system was better than all previous water energy systems because they said so. Pressed to prove its claims, the company staged a public demonstration of its water-fueled vehicle, which was immediately recognized by everybody as an Indian-made electric car sold in the United Kingdom as the G-Wiz. Genepax shut down its website in 2009 citing burdensome “development costs.”

HHOBut that’s not to say you can’t burn hydrogen in your Outback if you feel like it. There are currently at least a dozen concerns that will gladly sell you an oxyhydrogen (HHO) kit with the promise of significantly improved gas mileage. Retailing for about $200.00, these devices are essentially modified electrolytic cells that split water molecules and blend the resulting gases into a flammable mixture two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen (ergo, HHO), which it pipes into your engine’s intake manifold on the not-unreasonable premise that the more oxyhydrogen you’re burning the less gasoline you’ll need. Alas, even that timid nod to water-power has its detractors, most of them pointing out that since the average family sedan gulps down about 500 liters of air per minute, and the average HHO generator cranks out less than a liter of oxyhydrogen per minute, any relief you experience at the pump will be of the purely psychological kind.

tomcatAnd it’s not to say that some folks aren’t burning water every day, after a fashion. The U.S. Navy, for example, is enjoying considerable success using sea water to fuel its jet aircraft, the difference being that instead of trying to burn its water-derived hydrogen, properly equipped Naval carrier vessels also separate sea water’s abundant store of carbon dioxide and distill the two gases into a hydrocarbon liquid jet fuel, in effect manufacturing their own high-seas brand of ersatz petroleum byproduct.

It’s all very discouraging. Will we ever tap the infinite power of water? Ever break the grip of Big Oil? Ever free the skies of noxious carbon emissions, or rejoice together as the mighty glaciers of yore march south once more bearing an inexhaustible cargo of frozen energy?

Maybe.

Just not today.

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