The laugh factor – ancient art of mirth still good for what ails you

 

Don’t worry, be happy

The more I live, the more I think that humor is the saving sense  Jacob August Riis

 Somebody – okay, everybody – once said that laughter is the best medicine.

Granted, back-fence physicians also claim that enough chicken noodle soup can cure everything from plantars warts to irritable bowels to ebola. But even as a blind pig will occasionally turn up an acorn, so a spoonful of sugar really can help the medicine go down, and may even offer an apple-free method for keeping the doctor away. Nothing personal, Doc.

Trouble is, sickness comes in a broad range of styles and colors. While a discount clown and a few balloon animals may easily divert a child in bed with the measles, a person diagnosed with cancer can be a tougher audience. From the moment the word “positive” is first uttered, the cancer patient quickly becomes caught up in a whirling, slow-motion cyclone of medications and doctors, neither of which are especially funny. Throw in a blizzard of insurance forms, a sea of cast-down eyes and the shadowy specter of awaiting Charon, and one might sooner crack a coconut with a hard stare as crack a smile.

But one must try, and not just because a cheerful disposition is about the only thing an HMO can’t charge a co-pay for. As it happens, laughter works.

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine; but a broken spirit drieth the bones  Proverbs 17:22

 Fact is, folks in the leech trade recognized humor’s restorative properties long before a diapered Hippocrates licked his first candy thermometer. Greek physicians of old commonly prescribed convalescent cases a trip to a “house of comedians,” and better Roman hospitals often kept comics on staff to cheer the sick. In medieval times, surgeons told jokes to distract their patients during surgery.

Of course, ancient medicos also believed that bat poop, taken internally, effectively cleansed the body of poisonous vapors, malevolent demons and Syrian spears. Fortunately, modern research amply supports their conviction that good spirits are good for what ails you.

Before anyone does anything rash, like blow the rent money on a Monty Python boxed-set, it should be noted that laughter doesn’t actually cure anything, at least not directly. But studies cited by the American Cancer Society strongly suggest that a hearty chuckle now and then confers numerous physical and psychological benefits. For starters, the simple act of laughing increases breathing, which spurs oxygen use and raises the heart rate. Next, even mild hilarity decreases the level of neuroendocrine and stress-related hormones in the body. Less stress means more laughter means less stress and so on ad infinitum.

Another study links laughter to an increased tolerance for pain, perhaps through the release of as-yet-unidentified endorphins in the brain that inhibit pain transmission. And a bunch of people who make it their business to know these things report that regular doses of mirth can stimulate the body’s immune system, which is a very useful system that should be stimulated at every opportunity.

More remarkably, humorless scientists exploring the biological impact of humor on the brain have discovered that even pointless musings of self-described humorist Bob Saget can have unexpectedly sanguinary – if not particularly humorous – results. To hear them tell it, as a joke begins, the left hemisphere of the cortex immediately begins processing words. The action then moves to the frontal lobe where it’s registered that what’s about to happen will be “funny.” Moments later, the brain’s right hemisphere synthesizes those two factors and searches for a pattern. In a trice, activity in the occipital lobe hits the roof as one “gets” the joke and – except in the case of Bob Saget – laughter ensues. The point of that tiresome recitation being that humor invites the entire brain to the party, or, in psycho-speak, tends to integrate and balance activity in both hemispheres of the brain. And that’s good.

Geez. In clinical terms, even fun doesn’t sound all that fun. Still, the movement to add humor to medicine’s accepted canon of treatments is steadily gaining ground, to the point where it’s been granted a tag – humor therapy.

According to the ACS, hospitals across the country now offer humor therapy rooms chock full of funny books, funny magazines, funny videos and, sometimes, funny people – whatever it takes to turn that frown upside down. In other cases, treatment centers simply detail volunteers to sit with patients and act as friendly foils for the kind of spontaneous laughter that comes naturally with casual banter. There’s a good reason behind those hospital hi-jinks, too. Statistically, folks who look on the sunny side get better faster and stay that way longer. Who knew?

There is no defense against adverse fortune which is so effectual as an habitual sense of humor  Tomas W. Higginson

 As any author of limericks will attest, humor’s principal boon is spiritual. Merriment eases the heart, calms the mind and reduces great and terrible issues to more manageable dimensions. Laughter takes the starch out of life’s many stiff collars, so to speak. In her book, Pulmonary Rehabilitation: Guidelines to Success, critical care nurse and tireless therapeutic humor champion Patty Wooten explains thusly:

The ability to laugh at a situation or problem gives us a feeling of superiority and power. Humor and laughter can foster a positive and hopeful attitude. We are less likely to succumb to feelings of depression and helplessness if we are able to laugh at what is troubling us.

At bottom, it’s about quality of life, and life is never sweeter than when punctuated by heartfelt giggles, snorts, hoots and guffaws. And it isn’t only the ill who could use a good laugh. The families and friends of the suffering carry their own freight of anxieties, and humor shines its beneficent light evenly.

Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage  Erma Bombeck

Eye-witless accounts prove justice is blind

A concerned shopper called JCSO dispatch on July 13 to report a speeding blue pickup truck “intentionally trying to run people over” in the Bergen Park grocery store parking lot. According to the man’s statement, he was so alarmed by the pickup driver’s wanton disregard for the general health and welfare that he’d deliberately blocked the careening vehicle with his Lexus, at which the driver shot him a rude gesture and raced unsafely away to points unknown. Both the complainant and a store employee described the menacing motorist as “an elderly man” perhaps “80 years old.” When located, the driver turned out to be a somewhat more youthful person of the female persuasion, who quickly guessed that the officer was acting at the behest of “the lady in the Lexus.” She maintained she hadn’t been trying to run down anybody and, convinced that “the lady” had cut her off because “she” drove a Lexus and felt superior to the truck-driving classes, she’d responded appropriately by inserting her index finger – not middle finger – into her nose in protest, and departing quickly to avoid further confrontation. Perceiving credibility gaps on both ends and in the middle, the deputy closed the case.

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The Angry Left

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Sedition has a date, and it’s Aug. 13.

To a large and committed minority of your mothers and fathers, your sons and daughters, your friends and neighbors and colleagues, it’s a day to glorify the fences that divide us, to gather together in blighted person or in hostile spirit and gnaw upon imagined grievances, and to plot no end of terrible inconveniences against a greater society that has shown them only sympathy and forbearance.

Although not always readily identified individually, in generality those discreet dissidents are known by many names. In Australia they’re “mollydookers.” To Italians they’re “mancino,” a term derived from the word for “crooked.” In England alone they’re variously described as gar-pawed, cack-handed, gibble-fisted, scoochy, kay-neived, corrie-fisted, cuddy-wifted and kittaghy. But by whatever name they’re known, they all bridle at many of the simple conventions that have lifted Mankind above lesser creatures and helped our species thrive in a dangerous and indifferent world.

Aug. 13 is International Left Handers Day, and it should give every right-thinking northpaw cause to pause.

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Now marking its 25th year of lateral disaffection, Left Handers Day was founded in 1991 by the Left Handers Club, a globe-spanning cabal of malcontents based in the United Kingdom and dedicated to trashing thousands of years of accumulated human spiritual, cultural and industrial wisdom, not to mention the faultless designs of Nature herself. It’s hard to believe that, in this enlightened era of unprecedented tolerance, anyone would openly espouse deliberate and pre-meditated bias, and yet that’s precisely what Louie and Louise are doing. Among many other self-serving items on its leftist agenda, the Left Handers Club promotes the creation and dissemination of products specific to the left hand. Considering that a great majority of the population is right-handed, and that everything from can openers to golf clubs are quite sensibly fabricated to efficiently serve the greatest possible number of consumers, that amounts to a war against civilization.

The fact is, the port crowd has been treasuring up resentments against the starboard set for thousands of years. By studying the manner in which Paleolithic craftsmen chewed animal skins, paleontologists have determined that only 10 percent of them were left-handed, a proportion that has persisted throughout the ages and unsurprisingly prompted some Righties of well-intentioned, if uncritical, turn of mind to indulge in plausible, if not scientifically supported, speculations about Lefties. In ancient times, for example, the left-handed were presumed to be in league with the Devil, and it was widely believed that ghosts and demons always entered on the body’s vulnerable left side, which is why the prudent were given to tossing pinches of salt over their left shoulders at generous intervals. A ringing in the right ear signaled that somebody was praising you, while ringing in the left indicated that you were being cursed or maligned. An itchy right palm meant you were coming into money, and an itchy left palm meant you were about to lose your shirt.

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The Bible holds more than a hundred passages praising the right hand (“The right hand of the Lord doeth valiantly, the right hand of the Lord is exalted! – Psalms 118:15,16) and at least two dozen lamenting the left (“He will put the sheep on his right hand and the goats on left hand…” – Matthew 25:33). Even today a holy man of Kenya’s cautious Meru culture must hide his left hand from public view lest its evil power inadvertently sour everybody’s milk.

Indeed, the left-handed have always felt oppressed by the very language in their mouths. The English word “sinister,” meaning ominous or menacing, derives from the Latin word “sinistra,” meaning both “left” and “weak.” The French word for left is “gauche,” which also means clumsy, or awkward. For that matter, the very word “left” comes to us from the Old English “lyft” which translates as idle, weak, or useless. And anything offered with the “left-hand” has long been widely understood to be inferior, insincere, or outright insulting.

By hey, that’s ancient history, okay? Before harassing the virtuous Right with a barrage of backwards scissors and east-bound stationary and maladroit keyboards, the Left should update its catalogue of presumed injustices. True, left-handed persons statistically make about 12 percent less money than their dexterous peers, but that’s the fault of anatomy, not bigotry.

leftBrainBy a curious quirk of the human design, each hemisphere of the brain controls the opposing half of the body. The left side of the brain, which is good at things like math and science and language, is dominant in right-handed people. Left-handed people take their marching orders from the right sides of their brains, which tend toward creativity, imagination and sociability. If right-brainers aren’t sopping up the gravy as fast as bean-counting left-brainers, it’s because they’re mathematically more likely to be starving artists than well-heeled MBAs. And for what it’s worth, left-handers tend to an excess of success in sports like tennis and fencing, which vanquished right-handers attribute to the fact that they haven’t had a lot of practice dueling with southpaws.

Nobody, including lots of very keen left-brained scientific types, has any good idea why some people are left-handed and others favor the right hand. No particular anatomical, evolutionary or environmental advantage has been recognized for either condition, and while a possible left-handed gene has been identified, the secrets of its precise function and methodology remain elusive.  As it happens, astute observers are puzzled to note that dogs, and even crows, display what amounts to right/left handedness, although in roughly 50-50 proportion, which natural equilibrium may explain why neither species has yet to produce a left-pawed or right-beaked action committee.

The right brain is theater to all impulses dramatic, and it’s entirely possible that the Left Handers Club is simply a predictable manifestation of the 10 percent’s biological weakness for spectacle. If not condoned, it can certainly be tolerated by the magnanimous 90 percent, who are famously forgiving toward morally harmless physical abberation. On the other hand, cranky cuddy-wifters might be far better served directing their tantrums against the true enemy of all people subservient to a single cranial hemisphere.

Maybe, next Aug. 13, left hand will join right hand in a two-fisted condemnation of the smug and superior ambidextrous, and together dream up products to confound that one person in a hundred who enjoys equal facility with both the right hand and the left. After all, everybody hates a 1-percenter.

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“Damned infernal gizmo. My kingdom for a left-handed can opener!”  

C. Montgomery Burns

Chretien de Troyes would have approved

When a woman who’d rented a truck from an Industrial Way business hadn’t returned the vehicle by the contracted date of June 30, the owner called to say that the truck was already re-rented and, if she didn’t have it back on site by 8 a.m. on July 1, there could be charges aplenty. Fortunately, the woman did return the truck by the stated time. Unfortunately, she brought along a chivalrous friend, who gallantly castigated the businessman, saying “that’s not how you treat a woman.” In response, the White Knight told deputies, the truck’s owner “got in my face,” though the altercation remained entirely verbal. Later, to deputies, Mr. Knight said that, as an MMA (Mixed Martial Artist), he could easily have cleaned the businessman’s clock, but chose not to. Before riding his steed into the sunset, Mr. Mixed closed his own account at the business, and the deputy closed the case. When contacted, the woman was matter-of-fact. “Bottom line, I misunderstood,” she said. “My time is valuable.”

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The Honorable Gentleman

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A dull and idle boy was he

Whom Senator would one day be

For un-remarkability

He was a perfect twit

 

Scholastically he missed the bar

In sports he functioned under par

On looks alone he’d not go far

Nor live upon his wit

 

And yet this dreary lump of clay

Had one redeeming card to play

It was a talent, some would say

Not fit for gentle folk

 

The lad could look you in the eye

And let outrageous falsehoods fly

There was no fib, nor tale, nor lie

Too brazen to invoke

 

He lied his way through public school

Professors all he made the fool

Of truth no single molecule

Did stain his bar exam

 

At law his gift won accolades

Not possible in honest trades

In time he joined the vile crusades

A mayor’s seat to scam

 

With artful infidelity

He milked the city’s treasury

Invested in publicity

and stormed the Capitol

 

Without the truth to slow him down

The wretched lad now toasts the town

And spreads his lies the Beltway ‘round

To keep his pockets full

 

That little lying boy so bland

Is now a lying Congressman

With power over all the land

And hogwash in his heart

 

But now his native gift for fraud

Strikes no one as unduly odd

He is, of all that crew, by God

A well-respected part.

 

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