CONIFER ­– Rather than see a vacant and vulnerable property go to the dogs, a vigilant North Turkey Creek man yelped for help. According to his statement to sheriff’s deputies, a local woman routinely escorts a trio of canine companions over the fence and into the yard of an absentee landlord for whom he’s been caretaking. And while he’s repeatedly caught the fragrant foursome in the act and demanded they conduct their daily toilet elsewhere, the woman invariably points out that she’s been “doing this for over 30 years” and continues, unabashed. In the interest of neighborliness, the complainant wanted to give her a chance to heed an official warning before hitting her with the legal equivalent of a rolled-up newspaper. When contacted by officers, the determined defecation director admitted leading over-the-fence lavatory parties, but insisted that the practice has been grandfathered in over the course of “35 years.” Furthermore, she accused the absent homeowner of being an “ugly American” and careless in the payment of his HOA dues. The deputies advised that she allow the fence to serve is intended purpose or face trespassing charges, and that she refer any HOA-related concerns to the HOA. They offered no suggestions as to how she might make someone a more attractive Yankee.