Juliet called the carabanieri in distress. She’d gotten into a fight with Romeo, her unofficial beloved of some two years, and now feared lest he was running rampant about her compartments, despoiling her cherished possessions and terrorizing her darling pets. Would a carabaniere be so kind as to escort her back to their once-happy nest and help end the lovers’ quarrel? A carabaniere would, but first wanted to know what had roused Romeo’s darker passions in the first place. “He lied to me,” Juliet lamented. Turns out she’d found Romeo’s former consort’s phone number “hidden deep inside his cell phone,” and he didn’t appreciate being called onto the carpet about it. After fortifying himself with deep draughts of ale, Romeo began explaining to Juliet exactly why “everything is your fault,” which is when Juliet decided to enlist a knight to champion her cause. Arriving on the doorstep at about 9 p.m., that JCSO knight found Romeo welcoming, gracious, even ebullient  ‘Tis true, Romeo said, that his and Juliet’s stars were a bit crossed, lately, but her belongings remain whole and un-besmirched, and her darling pets have never been more content. Alas, the law holds no sway over crimes of the heart, and as Romeo bid the courtly constable a cordial buona sera, Juliet retired to await the dawn in the parlor of a bosom companion.