Speaking of mountain warfare, a long-suffering woman walked into JCSO’s mountain substation on June 23 to see a (police) man about a horse. Her unhappy tale began three years ago, when an otherwise inoffensive female moved in across the street from her Upper Bear Creek home and immediately suggested the complainant sell her a portion of her property. Though an essential social lubricant, neighborliness can be pressed too far and she refused to give ground, which in no way discouraged the new gal on the block from taking improper liberties with the complainant’s hay field. Shortly after moving in, the neighbor held a house party and had her guests park their cars on that lush acreage, and on numerous occasions her son and his dogs have been observed romping destructively through the hay. On each occasion, the complainant called the neighbor to explain that the meadow is neither a parking lot nor playground, but a functioning hay field that’s more easily harvested when not stomped flat. The last straw came on June 19, when she learned that the woman’s horses were contentedly munching on her ripening silage. “I ran out of hay up above and brought them down,” said the neighbor, by way of explanation. The complainant asked her to remove the beasts from her field and, the next day, posted “No Trespassing” signs around the crop. Not long after, the presumptuous horsewoman left a baleful message on her answering machine, which she played for the deputies. “Thank you for the signs you put on your fence, they’re really attractive. I’m going to call the county and report all of the diseased trees and voles in your yard. I love the elk coming through, leaving excrement in the yard. The war is on.” While the complainant said she didn’t want to “make trouble” for her neighbor, she didn’t want to let her threats go undocumented, either.