The man’s license said he was from Wisconsin,
but all other signs pointed to someplace farther out there. Like maybe Neptune.
Pulled over at County Road 73 and Brook Forest long past midnight, the
purported Cheese-Head smelled like Milwaukee and talked like Racine. When asked
to produce registration and proof of insurance, he handed over a laminated map
of Denver. Twice. He offered several conflicting versions of his current address,
and when asked if he was carrying anything dangerous said “I’m a doper, not a
smoker.” Several times. On the long road to the calaboose, the man alternately
sang along with the radio, told sad stories, and excitedly declared “Holy
Macaroli! I’ve been drinking!” At one point, he asked the deputy how he drove
his “sleigh.” While that joke might have earned him big laughs in The Badger
State, in the Mile High one it earned charges ranging from failing to signal a
turn to driving while under the influence.